Milkman Humour

These Are Notes That Were Actually Left in Milk Bottles!!

“Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.”

“Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.”

“Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.”

“Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.”

“Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.”

“Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.”

“Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.”

“When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.”

“Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.”

“My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?”

“Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.”

“From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.”

“Cancel one pint after the day after today.”

“My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.”

“Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.”


“When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t leave any milk.”


“No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.”


Another Classic Funny Milkman Joke


Joanne read in Vogue magazine that a milk bath does wonders for your skin. So she wrote a note asking the milkman to leave 100 bottles of milk for her next delivery.


Phil, the milkman, saw the note, and thought there must be an error in the number of zeros. Therefore he knocked on the door and asked Joanne, to clarify the order. Joanne confirmed that she wants 100 bottles to fill her bath. The milkman then asked, ‘Do you want it pasteurised’ Joanne replied ‘No, just up to my neck’.